Making Friends With Death

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It’s true that since my transplant I’ve discovered a new kind of peace. Of course I still get stressed, life gets chaotic, and at times I feel like a wild banshee (not that this is necessarily a bad thing), but still...something profound has shifted.

I know what shifted, but it is an answer that makes many people deeply uncomfortable. It completely breaks away from a script most of us have internalized.

My secret is that when I was really, truly sick and yellow, when I felt nauseous and in pain 24/7 and barely had the strength to stand up, I became friends with death.

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I had been terrified of death my whole life. It was the root of my anxiety and panic attacks, the villain, the enemy...When I became gravely ill though, oblivion became the best part of my day. It was the only moment of peace and non-struggle in my existence.

I wanted to get a transplant and LIVE more than anything, but if that didn’t work out, death would be a deliverance. I came to see death could be merciful.

I didn’t want to die. I don’t want to die, but I have become friends with death. That, I believe, is one of the main reasons I can now be so full of life.

Lots more honesty and revelations to be found in my bestselling Grape Series.  Grab your copies here.

Lots more honesty and revelations to be found in my bestselling Grape Series. Grab your copies here.